Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Teresa's shocking split:
'Fame destroyed my family!'

Publication: In Touch
Date: 6 June 2011

Every version of Real Housewives produces a breakout star, which invariably means there is one psycho bitch that that makes all the other psycho bitches look sane and reasonable. In Real Housewives of New Jersey this season, it's Teresa Giudice. Here are the headlines.
  • Housewives exclusive interview
  • Husband Joe Fumes, "I'm leaving"
  • Fights over money, booze & jealousy
  • "I'm embarrassed for my kids," she confesses
Embarrassment for her kids? OMG, what kind of weak psycho bitch is she? These women are supposed to be at least as bad as Sarah Palin, but this woman seems to have both some self-awareness and compassion towards others.

Some producer at Real Housewives slipping if this is the worst villain they could find.



Love Bird Alert™ and On The Rocks Alert:
Scarlett trapped in Sean's dirty divorce.

Publication: Star Magazine
Date: 6 June 2011

Star writes that Scarlett Johansson is trapped inside Sean Penn's divorce proceedings. In point of fact, the divorce from Robin Wright Penn was finalized last August, so she's really trapped in a nasty post-divorce situation.

I've been so creeped out by this story, I didn't do the math for the Sophisticated French Rule, which says that an older person may date a younger person if the younger party is more than half the elder's age plus seven. Sean Penn is 50 and Scarlett Johansson is 26, so this is a massive fail of the Sophisticated French Rule. To give you an idea of how bad this is, ten years from now when he is 60 and she is 36, she's still too young for him.

Ick.



Least interesting cover story of the week:
Win a Paris Hilton inspired wardrobe!

Publication: OK!
Date: 6 June 2011

Yet another cover story without a picture attached shows up this week, this one dealing with some kind of sweepstakes where you can win a Paris Hilton inspired wardrobe. As far as I can recall, this is the first contest on the cover of a gossip rag that is NOT part of the AMI kennel.

For me, it's a blessing to have a story about Paris Hilton where I DON'T have to include a picture. I get little pleasure looking at this skinny, squinty bag of bones.



Kick a corpse, why don'tcha?
Gary Coleman still not laid to rest.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 6 June 2011

Welcome back to gossip hell, Gary Coleman. Not unlike the story of the remains of James Brown, there is some dispute among his survivors about what to do with Gary Coleman's remains, according to the low rent Examiner.

This helps Gary stay near the top of list of favorite dead people in the tabloids, comfortably ahead of Osama Bin Laden but still trailing Princess Diana, Michael Jackson and Nostradamus.



Monday, May 30, 2011

Dancing With The Stars rigged!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 6 June 2011

The Enquirer goes with a cover story saying Dancing With The Stars is rigged this season, and they put pictures of the finalists Kirstie Alley, Hines Ward and Chelsea Kane on the cover.

Here's the thing. They said the same thing two months ago and predicted the eventual winner would be Kirstie Alley or Kendra Wilkinson, two names well known to the readers of gossip rags.

Hines Ward won. He's not well known to the gossip world, but he's an athlete. Athletes do really well on this show.

This is exactly the type of story I had in mind when I started this blog, a time when the Enquirer expects that everyone has the attention span of a gnat and it will be ignored that their bold prediction of just two months ago was complete horseshit.

Guess what, Enquirer? I don't have the attention span of a gnat. I publish on the Internet, where nothing ever completely disappears down the memory hole.

The Enquirer prints lies, guesses and nonsense with astonishing regularity. This blog is here to catch the worst cases.

You're welcome. I'm glad to do it.


Macho Man death crash photo: wrestling tragedy.

Publication: Globe
Date: 6 June 2011

The target market for the Globe and the low rent Examiner watch a lot of TV, so it's no surprise that they would have Macho Man Randy Savage on the cover after his untimely death in a car crash.

Given that it's the Globe, it's also no surprise that they would morbidly publish a photo of the crash.

Stay classy, Globe.


Joplin, Missouri. Heartbreak and hope.

Publication: People
Date: 6 June 2011

Once again, People magazine distinguishes itself from the rest of the supermarket rags with a story about the awful damage done by the tornado in Joplin, Missouri. Like in all disasters, there are parts of the affected town that are completely unaffected, but this aerial shot of the long dirty brown swath surrounded by areas with greenery gives a very good idea of just how bad this tornado was.

If you have a couple of nickels to rub together, find it in your heart to send something to a reputable disaster relief fund, won't you?


Least interesting story of the week:
Bethenny's at home yoga plan.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 6 June 2011

The plague of cover stories without artwork is spreading through The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, and this week Us Weekly succumbs. Bethenny Frankel of Real Housewives is trying to sell a yoga plan, but there is no picture of her stretching or looking serene or anything.

If Us Weekly doesn't think this story is worth a picture, then neither do I.



Sunday, May 29, 2011

Damn You Skinny Alert™:
Hot Bodies 2011

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 6 June 2011

Nothing surprising about good looking celebrities in swimsuits on the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter. Nothing surprising to see Zac Efron and Kourtney Kardashian featured in such stories. The only slight surprise is to see Carrie Underwood in a bikini for the first time, but not such a surprise that she looks good in one.

Bad dad alert:
Khloe is stunned by Lamar's baby secret.

Publication: OK!
Date: 6 June 2011

There's one story each for the Kardashian sisters this week on the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter. OK! says that Lamar is hiding some baby secret and Khloe is stunned. On their website, it is revealed that Lamar already has kids and he hasn't been the perfect dad to them.

Love Bird Alert™:
Leonardo DiCaprio and Blake Lively.

Publications: People, Us Weekly, Weekly Life & Style
Date: 6 June 2011

Plenty of stories about a new couple this week. Leonardo DiCaprio is no longer dating supermodel Bar Refaeli, but has been seen in Cannes with actress Blake Lively. Here are the headlines.
  • People: Blake and Leo - heating up
  • Weekly Life & Style: Why Leo chose Blake Lively over a supermodel
  • Us Weekly: Blake and Leo - a new romance

It's easy to think of Leo as a kid, but in fact he's 36. Since they are in Cannes, it's only fair to bring up the Sophisticated French Rule. Half his age plus seven is 25.

Bar Refaeli is 25. Blake Lively is 23. If this was a trade in for youth, it's a bad sign.





Saturday, May 28, 2011

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:
Princess Kate's revenge on backstabbing Camilla.

Publication: Globe
Date: 6 June 2011

Today, we catch up on the folks who are in the top ten for number of stories in 2011. The Globe tells us Princess Katherine has taken off the tiara and is checking out how much damage she can do with the scepter. According to this story, she's told father-in-law Charles to divorce Camilla and William has a "shocking reaction".

On the rocks alert:
BrAngelina in couples therapy

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 6 June 2011

I use the phrase The Only Ten Magazines That Matter to describe the supermarket rags, but it really splits into a few groups. There's the Sun and its silly prophecies and horoscope crap, there's the Old Timer gossip rags the Globe and the low rent Examiner, and then there are the other seven. One of the things that makes BrAngelina and their brood the most important story in the gossip world is that they can show up in any of the seven magazines that blab about people under 60 years old.

Last year, the Enquirer paid only scant attention to the couple and their kids, but there's been a shift in editorial policy and they are as likely as anyone to have stories about BrAngelina now. Their latest is they are in couples therapy.

On the rocks alert:
Emily gives the ring back.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 6 June 2011

As a teacher, I understand the value of repetition in pedagogy, but this crap about the people on The Bachelor is getting ridiculous. For the past few weeks, it's been Weekly Life & Style that is entirely to blame, and there looks to be no chance for twists and turns. Emily said yes, then said no, and has been saying the same NO for weeks now.

Time to move on, Weekly Life & Style. You're the last kid on the playground and the fun has completely worn off.


Damn You Skinny Alert™:
Kendra says "I'm scared of gaining weight"

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 6 June 2011

Kendra Wilkinson has something like an epiphany and is quoted as saying "I'm scared of gaining weight". It may have finally dawned on her she has no talent and if she doesn't look good naked, the gravy train of reality TV will no longer be available to her.

Love Bird Alert™:
Teen Mom Leah dating her ex's friend

Publication: In Touch
Date: 6 June 2011

Regular readers will know that I consider Teen Mom the plague that did not pass over. Thankfully, there is only one story about these stupid young women on the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter this week, a story about Leah dating the ex of a friend of hers.

Unless there is some flurry of stories about real celebrities, with Arnold and Maria are the best candidates currently, some Teen Mom is very likely to be in the top ten celebrities for 2011 for the foreseeable future.


Friday, May 27, 2011

Breaking news:
Jeff Conaway dead at 60

Publication: Associated Press
Date: 27 May 2011

Jeff Conaway, the actor who made his name in the movie Grease and the TV shows Taxi and Babylon 5, has died at the age of 60. Younger viewers will probably know him better from the VH-1 reality shows Celebrity Fit Club and Celebrity Rehab.

Conaway's problems with booze and drugs were both epic and public, but none of the Only Ten Magazines That Matter decided it was worth saying these were his Brave Last Days. There was one headline last week that said John Travolta was trying to save his tragic friend, but saving a tragic friend doe NOT count as a death prediction. He could have just been trying to save him from booze, not the grave.

Best wishes to the friends and family of Jeff Conaway from a fan of Babylon 5.


Meanest Story nominee:
Secret autopsy reveals foul play in the death of Miss Elizabeth Taylor.

Publication: Globe
Date: 6 June 2011

It's been two months since Miss Elizabeth Taylor died, but she is still one of the most popular gossip topics of 2011 for The Only Ten Magazines That Matter. The Globe is re-hashing the story that foul play might have been involved in her death, this time telling us there was a "secret autopsy".

Best wishes as always to the family and friends of Miss Taylor, from a fan.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.


Meanest Story nominee:
Dolly Parton hides secret son.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 6 June 2011

The low rent Examiner believes its public wants to hear bad things about Miss Dolly Parton.

Personally, I don't want to hear bad things about Miss Dolly Parton and the disapproving rabbit does not want to hear them either.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the week.

Meanest Story nominee:
Billy Graham goes home to die.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 6 June 2011

The low rent Examiner tries to kill off evangelist Billy Graham one more time. The 92 year old preacher was hospitalized this month, but he recovered and was sent home. The most despicable and desperate gossip rag says it was only done so he could die in the comfort of his home and he will die "within weeks".

It should be noted that the low rent Examiner had Graham's "final wish" back in May 2010 and his final message to America back just before Christmas. Usually, I would think a recently hospitalized 92 year old probably is getting close to the end, but when you realize he is both young and in better condition than Zsa Zsa Gabor.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.


Meanest Story nominee:
100 sled dogs massacred!

Publication: Globe
Date: 6 June 2011

Usually, the Meanest Story of the Week competition is about a nasty and possibly untrue piece of gossip and the meanness is on the part of the magazine's decision to publish. But this story is confirmed and the meanness is the act itself. Investigators in British Columbia have found that 100 sled dogs used in the 2010 Winter Olympics had been killed because of slumping tourism. Authorities are pursuing the matter as a criminal act of animal cruelty.

This is a Meanest Story nominee.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Weekly World News Alert:
A promise of no pictures of Lindsay Lohan inside.

Publication: Weekly World News (via the Sun)
Date: 6 June 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays!

The Weekly World News has a cute gag headline about a promise to have no pictures of Lindsay Lohan in their magazine this week, with a picture of LiLo on the cover where she is running from paparazzi and barely visible.

I think the gag would be funnier if they had named a real tabloid gossip star like Jennifer Aniston, Sandra Bullock, Kim Kardashian or Angelina Jolie, but still, it's a cute little joke.


Love Bird Alert™:
Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux

Publications: Weekly Life & Style, In Touch
Date: 6 June 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Welcome to gossip hell, Justin Theroux! He is Jennifer Aniston's co-star in the movie Wanderlust, set to be released this fall, and allegedly they are a couple.

Recall that Jennifer was also supposed to be a couple with Gerard Butler last year, her co-star in The Bounty Hunter.

In any case, here are the headlines.
  • In Touch: Jen's new man: Trash collector!
  • Weekly Life & Style: Jen and co-star Justin Theroux: "She's fantastic"
I'm pretty sure the In Touch headline is some play on words, but as usual I didn't open the magazine to check.

In accordance with this blog's pro-love policy, I should wish the happy couple all the best, but it's kind of like hoping Lucy will finally let Charlie Brown kick the football or really believing the Cubs are going to go all the way this year.

Adults shouldn't allow themselves to believe such silliness.


On the rocks alert:
More from the Arnold and Maria circus

Publications: People, Globe, National Enquirer, Star
Date: 6 June 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! In an interesting grouping, it's the richer dogs in the AMI kennel and People who are continuing with the story of Arnold and Maria and God only know how many other women. Here are the headlines.
  • People: Maria's torment - new details
  • Globe: Cheating Schwarzenegger sex tape shocker
  • National Enquirer: Arnold's $500 million divorce
  • maid's best friend tells all
  • Arnold used taxpayer's money for mistresses
  • Maria taking his whole fortune
  • Star: Maria to Arnold: "You're a pig!"
  • 32 women 2 more kids
  • caught in bed with housekeeper
  • She'll spill his dirtiest secret
  • Decades of lies and betrayal
  • Shocking inside details from the mag that broke the story
I'd like to address the Star's contention that they are the magazine that broke the story.

Bullshit.

The reason she threw him out was because of the love child from a decade ago. That is NOT the story the AMI rags were pushing at first. They had some woman named Gigi Goyette who claimed to be his mistress. It was an entirely different story and the Star is trying to lie about it not two weeks after the fact. Arnold and Maria weren't worth a single cover story in 2010 and none in 2011 until this month. Also, both People and the Enquirer had it on the cover first AND all of them were scooped by the regular daily press.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Scoop of the week:
People has an exclusive interview with Kim Kardashian and her new fiance Kris Humphries.

Publication: People
Date: 6 June 2011

Fresh trash on... Wednesdays? Yes, People has the real deal on the cover, the exclusive story of how Kris Humphries proposed to Kim Kardashian. There have been plenty of stories in the supermarket rags before about the state of their romance, but the big difference between People and the rest of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter is that People doesn't publish idle speculation. (Planted crap, yes. Idle speculation, no.)

You should be able to read the headline in this cropped version of the cover this week. Back in April, Weekly Life & Style said he got her a 10 carat ring "just like Liz Taylor's". As you can see from this version, they were off by about a factor of two.

Best wishes to the happy couple.



Breaking news:
Associated Press reports John Edwards could be indicted.

Publication: Associated Press
Date: 25 May 2011

The Associated Press reports that the Justice Department may be finally getting around to indicting John Edwards on the charge that he used campaign money to hush up the paternity of his love child. They said the indictment could be coming down "within days".

Recall that the National Enquirer said he would be going to jail fifteen months ago. There is some difference between an indictment and a jail sentence and Edwards' lawyer is not going down without a fight.

More on this story as it develops.



Regis' cancer returns!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 30 May 2011

Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

The low rent Examiner gets all dramatic and has a headline about Regis Philbin's cancer returning, and has a picture of him with a dark spot on his face circled for emphasis.

Skin cancer shouldn't be ignored, of course, but if you have good medical coverage, and I'm sure Regis does, this is more of an annoyance than an actual health crisis.



She Fought The Law Alert™:
Monster mom's defense falls apart.

Publication: Globe
Date: 30 May 2011

The story of the murder trial of Caylee Anthony continues in the AMI tabloids. Now, the mom's defense has fallen apart.

In the real world, the trial actually began this week, so all the stories in the tabloids so far have been premature.



Bells Done Rung™ Alert:
The wedding of Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 30 May 2011

Country stars Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert got hitched as Us Weekly has the details.
  • Blake & Miranda's wedding
  • all the exclusive photos
  • why she wore her mom's gown
  • the A-list guests, the down-home reception, the song he wrote for her
Best wishes to the happy couple.



Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Buns in the oven alert™:
Scandalized teacher expecting twins.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 30 May 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Debra LaFave! The Enquirer wants us to know the teacher who convicted of having sex with a 14 year old student in 2004 when she was 23 is now expecting twins. No word as to who the father is.



Soap fans fight back over axed shows.

Publication: Globe
Date: 30 May 2011

The Globe notes that soap opera fans have been organizing to try to save their favorite shows, but so far ABC-Disney shows no sign of interest in bringing the shows back.

Bundle of Joy Alert?:
Sandra adopting again.

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 30 May 2011

Star is going with the story that Sandra Bullock is adopting again and will have a second child in the house by the end of summer. Bullock's reps deny it. The best Star can do is say Sandy was really good at keeping it secret last time, but I don't recall her having to deny a story in the press.



Monday, May 23, 2011

An intimate interview with Johnny Depp.

Publication: OK!
Date: 30 May 2011

OK! has an exclusive and intimate interview with Johnny Depp now that the latest Pirates of the Caribbean is out. They had one previously when The Tourist was in the theaters last December.

Coincidence? I think not.



Brad Pitt in Cannes.

Publication: People
Date: 30 May 2011

Plenty of stories about the Jolie-Pitt clan this week, including a solo story for Brad. People has him on the cover visiting the Cannes Film Festival, where his new movie The Tree of Life, directed by Terrence Malick, was both booed and won the Grand Prize.

The French. Go figure.

Besides playing at the film festival, the movie goes into very limited release next Friday, so this one gets the Planted Crap label as well.

On the rocks alert:
Angelina jealous over another woman.

Publications: In Touch, Star
Date: 30 May 2011

Two stories about Brad Pitt stepping out, one from an AMI rag and another from a non-AMI rag. Here are the headlines.
  • In Touch: Angelina and Brad's fight over a woman
  • Star: Angie catches Brad… with the nanny!
    young, sexy and a Jen lookalike

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:
Angelina tells Chaz Bono to "leave Shiloh alone!"

Publication: OK!
Date: 30 May 2011

There's plenty of stuff about the Jolie-Pitt brood in the gossip rags this week. OK! has Angelina finally reacting to Chaz Bono's request to meet with little tomboy Shiloh, with the simple answer "not only no, but hell no".

My only comment is that Shiloh really looks like her daddy in that picture. Of course, whether she looked like dad or mom, she's in a win-win situation, right?



Sunday, May 22, 2011

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow Alert™:
May 21, 2011 passes without a major incident.


This is the twelfth time I've used the label for failed prophecy since the beginning of 2010, but this is only the first time it's actually been a national news story. Dr. Harold Camping fleeced enough of his followers to put billboards up all around the country proclaiming May 21, 2011 as the End of Days and the return of Jesus. Now the day has come and gone and once again Camping has been proven incorrect as he was twice back in the 1990s, back before the Internet was what it is today and his believers were almost entirely confined to the San Francisco Bay Area.


So here's Daddy Warbucks and Little Orphan Annie singing a song and being all positive. As my pal Padre Mickey points out, the people who were caught up in this deserve our sympathy. Some of their lives have been ruined because they believed in a charlatan. The good padre says Christians are also bound to find forgiveness for Dr. Camping, though he admits that is harder.

I'm not a Christian anymore. I agree the followers are in for a hard time and deserve compassion, though I'm not impressed that they were convinced God was going to destroy the earth due to gay rights. On the other hand, the hand that was taking their money, Camping is a scumbag on the level of Donald Trump, and anything bad that happens to him is richly deserved. I do not know his motives other than vanity, but if he can feel shame, let him wallow in it for a while.



Love Bird Alert™:
Are Justin and Olivia dating?

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 30 May 2011

Last month, Us Weekly said Justin Timberlake and Olivia Wilde had a sexy date, but now they put a question mark on it.

If we can believe the stories about him, it's an absolute certainty Justin is dating somebody, but I have to say if nobody is dating Olivia Wilde, that would be just wrong. She is freaking adorable.



Hairdresser Alert™:
Bin Laden's secret gay life.

Publication: Globe
Date: 30 May 2011

The Globe says Osama Bin Laden had a secret gay life. Before this, the only clue was when the Weekly World News announced his marriage to Kim Jong Il.

Bin Laden was not a hot gossip topic before he died, but the AMI kennel is going to town on him now. Just a few more stories and he'll be up there with Liz Taylor and Gary Coleman as a top dead celebrity.



Damn You Fat Alert™:
Jessica Simpson drunk and crying over her weight.

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 30 May 2011

Two very different stories about Jessica Simpson in the tabs this week. Star says she's upset over her weight, and gets drunk and weepy about it.

Bells are Ringing Alert™:
Jessica Simpson's $1 million wedding.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 30 May 2011

In Touch lets us know that Jessica Simpson is planning to have a wedding that will cost $1,000,000. That sounds like a lot, but her clothing line has been generating $1 billion in sales a year and her net worth is in the $100 million range, so this little shindig will not be putting her in the poorhouse.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

On the rocks alert:
Oprah love triangle explodes!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 30 May 2011

This Saturday, it's all about royalty here at It's News 2 Them™, which means stories about the Queen of TV Oprah Winfrey and those people over in England, whose names slip my mind for the moment.

Oprah and Stedman and Gayle. The eternal triangle. Or is it eternal? According to the Enquirer, Gayle is none too happy about Stedman moving back into the mansion and has laid down the standard "It's him or me!" ultimatum.

Heavy lies the head that wears the crown.



Pippa, the latest scandal.

Publication: OK!
Date: 30 May 2011

OK!, one of the most British tinged of the American gossip rags, thinks us Yanks just can't get enough of Pippa Middleton, Kate's younger, shorter, kind of attractive sister.

As a Yank, I have to say I've moved on, thanks very much.



Mending fences alert:
William asks queen not to skip over his dad.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 30 May 2011

The Globe and the low rent Examiner have been the source for the stories about the order of succession to the British crown, with a bunch of headlines saying old Liz Windsor is going to pass over her first born son and give the crown to the cute kid. In history, skipping in line for the crown without murder or madness or other unpleasantness is really rare.

In any case, the low rent Examiner says Wills is a nice kid and went to bat for his dad, telling his gran that being skipped over would kill him. The take of the low rent Examiner on this is that evil Camilla wins.



More honeymoon stories about Wills'N'Kate.

Publications: Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly, Globe
Date: 30 May 2011

Plenty of stories this week about the young royals, with three in particular about their honeymoon. Here are the headlines.
  • Weekly Life & Style: Wills'N'Kate dream honeymoon photos
  • Us Weekly: Their secret honeymoon
  • Globe: Wills'N'Kate's honeymoon heartbreak
    Why dream trip turned into nightmare
Can you guess which one of these magazines has more mean stories than the others on average? (Hint: not a trick question.)



Friday, May 20, 2011

On the rocks alert:
More on the Arnold and Maria split.

Publication: People
Date: 30 May 2011

Because we now know more about the story, the gossip rags have not yet let go of the story of Arnold and Maria and the love child born over 10 years ago. Here is what People put on the cover.
  • Arnold admits to love child
    Maria's Broken Heart
    Inside their split
    How a 10-year old secret destroyed the marriage of Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
    'This is a painful time.' says Shriver

On the rocks alert:
Dog shit from the AMI kennel about Arnold Schwarzenegger and Gigi Goyette.

Publications: National Enquirer, Star
Date: 30 May 2011

There is an actual news story going on about Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife Maria Shriver being separated, and it looks like it's heading toward divorce. Real news organizations are focusing on the fact a woman came forward as the mother of a love child of Schwarzenegger's over a decade ago.


This gives the AMI kennel a chance to drag out a story they have had for years, allegations from a woman named Gigi Jeffers Goyette that she was Arnold's mistress for year and that he first had sex with her back in the 1970s when she was 16, so it would count as statutory rape in California. AMI paid her $20,000 hush money back in 2005, but now they want her to blab. She has also hired Gloria Allred, a move that just screams credibility. Here are the headlines about this nonsense.
  • National Enquirer: Arnold's mistress tells all
  • Star: Arnold cheated while Maria stayed in same hotel
    other woman tells all
What this woman has to say may or may not be true, but it's not the story that broke up the marriage.



News you can use from the presidential book of secrets.

Publication: Sun
Date: 30 May 2011

The idea that there is a Presidential Book of Secrets is a popular conspiracy theory like Area 51, fueled by popular movies and such. The standard idea is that it has the information the United States is still keeping secret after decades or possibly centuries, but the Sun has decided it contains prophecies about the future as well.

Hey, it's fiction, Knock yourselves out.

The three secrets they share on the cover are:
  • CIA says Bin Laden still alive
  • When more jobs are heading your way
  • How U.S. government dodges World War III
As you can see, this is a pretty magical book. I'd usually ignore this because it doesn't give anything specific in terms of dates, but it continues the rumor that Bin Laden is still alive, so I included it.