Saturday, April 30, 2011

Breaking news:
Mariah Carey gives birth to twins.

Publication: Huffington Post
Date: 30 April 2011

What seems like an extremely long pregnancy has come to a safe conclusion today as Mariah Carey gives birth to twins, 5 pounds 3 ounces and 5 pounds 6 ounces, small for regular babies but not out of the ordinary for twins.

Best wishes to all the family.



Least interesting cover story of the week:
Bret Michael's heath and upcoming wedding.

Publication: Star
Date: 9 May 2011

Star has a headline about Bret Michaels' health and upcoming wedding to his longtime girlfriend. They do not have any picture to accompany this story, so I won't put up a picture either.

Way too many gossip rags are getting into this habit.

Damn You Skinny (or Fat) Alert™:
Khloe bullied for being fat YET AGAIN.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 9 May 2011

Yet again, Khloe, the Baby Huey of the Kardashian clan, has a cover story about her weight. here are the headlines.
  • Khloe tells Us
  • Tortured for her weight
  • After her mom calls her fat, Khloe opens us about her lifelong struggle and how Lamar makes her feel sexy
While this may not seem relevant to the Kardashian family, Khloe is the only daughter who is actually married and whose male companion does not seem like a complete douchebag.

This puts her a few points ahead of her petite but huge hootered sisters.



Brave Last Days Alert:
Bob Barker one more time.

Publication: Globe
Date: 9 May 2011

The Globe and the low rent Examiner have been trying to kill off Bob Barker since last September. Here are the latest headlines.
  • Tearful Bob Barker's Sad Last Days!
  • 'Price Is Right' legend, 87, in new medical drama
Best wishes to Bob Barker, his family and friends.



On the rocks alert:
More Bachelor noise.

Publications: Weekly Life & Style, OK!
Date: 9 May 2011

After Teen Mom, the reality TV series the tabloids love the most that annoys me the most is The Bachelor. These romances almost never work out and we get rehashes of the debris for months and months after the show goes off the air.

Even Kendra Wilkinson doesn't bug me as much as these clowns.

Anyway, here are the headlines.
  • OK!: Emily: Why I gave Brad his ring back
  • Weekly Life & Style: How Brad betrayed Emily
Okay, okay. We get it. He's a heel and she's a flake. Let's move on, shall we?



On the rocks alert:
Sandra betrayed again.

Publication: Star
Date: 9 May 2011

Once again, Jesse James is back on the cover of a supermarket rag and he blames Sandra Bullock for the fact he can't keep his penis in his pants. Pretty much the exact same story won Meanest Story of the Week way back in August of last year.

I didn't even think about nominating it for Meanest Story this week because it is such old news. Jesse is fading from the spotlight and the faster that happens, the better.



Love Bird Alert™:
Jen's falling for Bradley Cooper!

Publication: In Touch
Date: 9 May 2011

Jennifer Aniston and her stunningly bad luck with men is one of the stories the supermarket rags will never abandon. This week, In Touch has her head over heels for Bradley Cooper. Here are the headlines.
  • Jen falls for Bradley: Yes, she's in love!
  • From steamy texts to talks of their "future together", why friends fear Jen's moving too fast… again!
Both commenter #1 Karen Zipdrive and I have our somewhat exotic theories as to what has made Jen's love life a shambles, but maybe that second sentence explains the situation more simply.

She's really, really clingy and nobody likes that.



Friday, April 29, 2011

Bun in the oven alert™?:
Teen Mom Leah's pregnancy shocker!

Publication: In Touch
Date: 9 May 2011

One good result of all the royal wedding coverage is less space on the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter for Teen Mom. Over the past eight weeks, there have been at least two Teen Mom stories per week in the supermarket rags, but this week only one, a "pregnancy shocker" involving Leah Messer.

Readers should be advised that the words "shocker" and "drama" on the cover quite often mean the story inside is the opposite of what you expect.



On the rocks alert:
Oprah throws a fit over Stedman's new gal pal.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 9 May 2011

Welcome back to gossip hell 2011, Stedman Graham! While there have been a steady stream of stories about Oprah this year, this is the first mentioning The Boyfriend, or is he the Ex-Boyfriend? According to the low rent Examiner, Stedman is seeing somebody else, and Miss Winfrey is none too pleased.



Weekly World News alert:
Guess who Barack Hussein Aloha Obama is related to?

Publication: Weekly World News (via the Sun)
Date: 9 May 2011

The Sun has a prediction this week, but no dates on the cover, so I'm only reporting on what the Weekly World News has to say. According to them, the Only President We've Got is related to...


Sarah Palin, the queen of the I-Quit-arod.

Not an actual laugh, but I did smile.



Meanest Story nominee:
Kate Middleton can't have a baby!

Publication: Globe
Date: 9 May 2011

As should be expected, this blog is getting a lot of visits right now from people interested in today's royal wedding. Besides this being the happiest day of her life, Kate Middleton is also entered in competition for Meanest Story of the Week.

The tabloids have already floated the rumor that she is getting married pregnant, which is really unlikely if you've seen any recent pictures of her. Now, the Globe is going with a story that she can't get pregnant and calling it a "royal shocker"!

If it was true, this would be much worse news than her going down the aisle to marry a future king with a future king inside her. But this is the Globe, so wondering about the validity of the story is a really big IF.

This gets a nomination for Meanest Story of the Week.



Brave Last Days Alert and Meanest Story nominee:
Larry Fortensky brain damaged and dying!

Publication: Globe
Date: 9 May 2011

The Globe isn't quite through with Miss Elizabeth Taylor just yet. They put a story on the cover that her last husband, construction worker Larry Fortensky, is brain damaged and dying, and that Liz left him $1,000,000 in her will.

Best wishes to Mr. Fortensky. This gets a nomination for Meanest Story of the Week.



Meanest Story nominee:
Tina Turner headed to booze rehab, friends fear.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 9 May 2011

Welcome (back) to gossip hell, Miss Tina Turner! The Enquirer has another one of those "friends fear" stories, which really means somebody needed a few bucks and they ratted out a celebrity for cash. According to this story, Tina is drinking hard after the death of her sister.

I hate to bring up age and Miss Turner in the same sentence, but I had a poster of her in my room when I was in high school, so she does technically count as Hey Old Timer Gossip.

This gets a nomination for Meanest Story of the Week.



Thursday, April 28, 2011

Bells are Ringing Alert™:
Stories about Wills'N'Kate a day before the big to-do.

Publications: Weekly Life & Style, OK!
Date: 9 May 2011

I'm a little surprised that only six of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter have stories about the royal wedding hitting the newsstands a day before the event. Most notably, People and the Enquirer are maintaining radio silence. I expect at least People will cover the event after the fact.

Here are the headlines about the wedding itself.
  • Weekly Life & Style: Wedding of the year
    The ring! The kiss! And William's touching promise to his beautiful bride, Kate.
    Kate honors Diana
  • OK!: Royal Wedding!
    The breathtaking dress, cake and flowers
    The tear-filled service & celebrity guests
    Diana would be so proud of her son
    Your personal guide to the historic event


Bells are Ringing Alert™:
Stories specifically about Kate Middleton on the day before her wedding.

Publications: In Touch, Us Weekly, Star
Date: 9 May 2011

The supermarket rags are full of stories about the Royal Wedding, with many of them focusing on the bride, naturally. Here are those headlines.
  • Star: Kate's the boss!
  • In Touch: Princess Kate: Wedding dress drama
  • Us Weekly: Kate's big day. How she got ready.
There is yet another Kate-centric headline, but it will be included in tomorrow's Meanest Story of the Week line-up.



Bells are Ringing Alert™:
Wedding of the year with LeAnn and Eddie!

Publications: People, In Touch
Date: 9 May 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! There's a really big wedding coming up in just a few days, but I can't remember who it is getting married.

Oh, yeah, LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian!

No, that's not it. Anyway, here are the headlines.
  • People: LeAnn & Eddie's wedding album
  • In Touch: LeAnn: mistress to married!
You may have noticed a subtle difference in the editorial slants in the two headlines.

Anyway, I'm just playing with you. Later this afternoon and Friday morning, we will be hip deep in Royal Wedding headlines from The Only Ten Magazines That Matter.




Bells are Ringing Alert™:
Wedding of the year from Twilight!

Publications: Us Weekly, Weekly Life & Style
Date: 9 May 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! There's a really big wedding coming up, but I can't for the life of me remember who is getting married.

Oh, that's right, it's Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart! Or is it Edward and Bella? In any case, here are the headlines.
  • Us Weekly: Twilight honeymoon photos
  • Weekly Life & Style: Rob & Kristen's secret honeymoon
You can see why I'm confused about whether it's the characters or the actors.

You know, the more I think about it, I don't think this is the big wedding this weekend. I know it will come to me eventually.



Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Pre-emptive scoop of the week!
Star apologizes to Katie Holmes!

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 9 May 2011

Fresh trash on Wednesdays?!? I don't do this very often, especially when I haven't seen any other covers, but the fact that Star is apologizing to Katie Holmes and giving some undisclosed amount of money to her favorite charity is a big damn deal.

The cover story in question is from January of this year. In point of fact, these magazines lie a lot, but when you say a movie star is a drug addict, it can be shown to inflict financial harm, so Katie called the lawyers. A story that says she's pregnant, a lie that has been told about her several times in the past year and a half, is just as untrue but not equally damaging.

I hope more celebrities get their lawyers after these grease weasels.



You So Crazy Alert™:
Jim Carrey's wild night of partying!

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 2 May 2011.

Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

Jim Carrey made some gossip headlines a year ago when he broke up with Jenny McCarthy, a large breasted comic actress who tragically thinks she knows something about vaccines and is putting uncounted numbers of children at risk. Now, the Star has the details of a wild night of partying for the comic actor, featuring pot, booze and four women.

What no coke, no heroin? No knives or guns brandished? The police weren't called in?

Pretty weak wild night if you ask me. Still, Jim sounds like he's renting the crazy by the hour instead of being married to it.

A much more frugal lifestyle choice in the long run.



Buns in the oven alert™:
Celebrity beach baby bumps!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 2 May 2011

I have to give the Flagship some credit for making something new out of two types of stories that get done over and over in the supermarket gossip rags.

Celebrity women in swimsuits? Done all the time, all year long.
.
Celebrity pregnancies? Hugely popular category, stories showing up more than once a week on average.

Pregnant celebrities in swimsuits? Okay, that's something different.

As usual with a cover that has multiple pictures, the Enquirer had a "Guess who?" picture, bu I refuse to guess or open the magazine for such nonsense. The women who were identified were a couple of newcomers to the supermarket gossip world, actress Selma Blair and Mel B. from The Spice Girls, and Kate Hudson, who has been on several covers before, both before her pregnancy and since.



Kick a corpse, why don'tcha?
Tony Curtis cuts kids out of $60 million will.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 2 May 2011

For the Globe and low rent Examiner, someone being dead is no reason they can't appear on the cover of a gossip rag. As often happens with the two Wicked Step Sisters who love the Hey Old Timer gossip, we get a story about a dispute over the will. In the case of Tony Curtis, this dispute becomes a cover story seven months after his death.

The lawyers must be piling up the billable hours big time.



Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Backstage gossip from Dancing With The Stars.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 2 May 2011

Last season, there were a boatload of Dancing With The Stars stories on the covers of the gossip rags, but it's been a little quiet this season so far. Here are the headlines from the story in Us Weekly.
  • DWTS Meltdowns! Hookups! Feuds!
  • Kendra - backstage tears
  • Kirstie - control freak
  • Chelsea - Dating LC's ex
The main characters that have been the targets of gossip have been Kendra and Kirstie, but a new name gets added this week, DisneyTeen™ Chelsea Kane. For people over the age of 25 (and for those under that age who actually have lives), LC is short for Lauren Conrad, a reality TV star.

You're welcome.




You So Crazy Alert™:
JWoww tried to kill an ex-boyfriend.

Publication: Star
Date: 2 May 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, JWoww! The large breasted young woman who isn't Snooki on Jersey Shore has an ex-boyfriend ratting on her this week, showing pictures of a stab wound on his arm and claiming she tried to kill kim.

When I changed the rules of this blog at the beginning of the year and started reporting on all reality TV cover stories of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, I thought I'd be overrun with Jersey Shore gossip. So far, this is the first story specifically about a cast member (Snooki got mentioned in a best and worst beach body smorgasbord, she was one of the worst) and we are four months into the new year.

I'd say this is good news, but the most popular reality TV show in the gossip rags is Teen Mom, which is much worse as far as I'm concerned.



Damn You Skinnier Alert™:
Kirstie Alley loses 30 pounds.

Publication: OK!
Date: 2 May 2011

Early this month, there was a rash of stories about Dancing With The Stars and the first story about Kirstie Alley that wasn't from the AMI kennel in over a year. Now OK!, the polar opposite the Enquirer and the rest of the jackals, reports that Kirstie has lost 30 pounds.

Good for her.


Damn You Skinnier Alert™:
Aretha loses 85 pounds in five months.

Publication: People
Date: 2 May 2011

Until now, all stories about Miss Aretha Franklin have been in the National Enquirer, and none of them were good. Now, Miss Aretha gets a story in People where she says she's healthy and she's lost 85 pounds.

In December, there were several news organizations who went with the story that Aretha had pancreatic cancer. She denies it and I'm inclined to take her at her word, though I'm just your standard consumer of news, so I have no special insights into who is telling the truth in this case.

In any case, best wishes to Miss Franklin, her family and friends, from a fan.



Monday, April 25, 2011

Demon Drugs Alert™:
Dennis Quaid exposes Hollywood's drug secrets!

Publication: Globe
Date: 2 May 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Dennis Quaid! The skinnier and saner of the Quaid brothers makes his first appearance in the supermarket rags since the beginning of 2010, but since he's just a snitch in this story and the headline does not make it sound like he's a drug addict himself, maybe we should just welcome him to gossip heck.



Demi Lovato:
My time to heal.

Publication: People
Date: 2 May 2011

DisneyTeen™ Demo Lovato looked like she could be heading to gossip hell as of last November, but after three stories before Thanksgiving, there has been nothing until now and it's Easter week. Even better for her, the story is in People, a magazine that only very rarely trashes celebrities in crisis, especially if they are showing a good faith effort to get their lives in order.

Ms. Lovato now says she has bipolar disorder, following Catherine Zeta-Jones out of the mental illness closet.

Best wishes to the young lady, her family and friends.


Demon Rum Alert™:
Lindsay wasted on Red Bull and vodka!

Publication: Star
Date: 2 May 2011

If some supermarket rag is picking on Lindsay Lohan in 2011, it's a pretty good bet it's the Star. They now tell us Lindsay is continuing to get sloshed on Red Bull and vodka, the drink for people who want to do a lot of things they won't remember the next morning. The source is "partying pal" Keith Middlebrook, who can fully expect that he has been removed from LiLo's speed dial.




The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow Alert™:
No sign of an Easter apocalypse.

Publication: Sun
Date: 21 February 2011

Back in February, the Sun told us the stuff to expect in the next 100 days. While the 100 days aren't up yet, they did mention that an apocalypse on Easter would shock the United States.

Well, Easter has come and gone and if there was something shockingly apocalyptic, the lamestream media completely ignored it. Being a heathen Commie bastard who has already lived through ten failed prophecies in the past sixteen months, I'm going to assume that there actually wasn't an apocalypse yesterday.

All of you end of the world fans can take heart that the end of the 100 days on this prophecy coincides with Dr. Harold Camping's specific warning about May 21, 2011, which is less than four weeks away now.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Skeeter Davis Alert™:
End of the World on July 4! (Again.)

Publication: Sun
Date: 2 May 2011

I hate to spoil everybody's Easter, but I report this day on the worst prediction of the End of the World I've seen yet on the cover of the Sun.

The world will end on July 4!

Again.

They predicted the same thing last year with almost the same details and same alleged prophets.

Here are the sub-headlines from this week's cover.
  • Mother Teresa: Hidden Bible secrets
  • Black Elk: Who will be saved
  • Nostradamus: New Great plague hits U.S.
  • John the Baptist: Satan appears in Congress
The only change from last year's line-up of dead psychic stars is Nostradamus is in and Edgar Cayce is out. Edgar saw firestorms instead of a great plague.

I've often wondered who buys the Sun and how profitable it can be. I'm now guessing the entire workforce is less than twenty, so it makes profitability a lot easier.




Bun In The Oven Alert™:
Mariah Carey's baby joy.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 2 May 2011

Does is seem to you like Mariah Carey has been pregnant forever? The first rumors of her being pregnant started thirteen months ago and it's been seven months since she announced on The Today Show she would be have a baby in the spring. In any case, this is the eighth cover story about Mariah this year, all but one about the pregnancy. This one promise exclusive pictures of the lavish nursery as well.

Best wishes to all involved.



Bundle of Joy Alert:
Mariska Hargitay's baby joy!

(photo by Charles Eshleman/Film Magic)
Publication: People
Date: 2 May 2011

Mariska Hargitay and her husband have adopted a baby girl. She gave birth to a son in 2006, and the actress says she always wanted to have a daughter, so she got one the sure fire way.

Best wishes to all involved.

Suri's late night meltdown!

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 2 May 2011

The Littlest Scientology Princess gets yet another story telling of her diva-like behavior. This is the sixth story about her this year and fourth in five weeks.

Just a brief reminder to all those about to experience baby joy that this can be the result.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Kim Kardashian will "be the best mom"!

Publication: OK!
Date: 2 May 2011

OK! wants us to take it on faith that Kim Kardashian, currently headed towards spinsterhood, will be the best mom.

This might be the case until her child gets into about the fourth grade and comes home with the questions: "Mommy, what's a sex tape? What does 'skanky ho' mean?

Damn You Skinny Alert™:
Bikini secrets of the stars!

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 2 May 2011

You too can have the bikini secrets of the stars! Lose 12 pounds in 4 weeks!

Is Kim Kardashian actually a star?

Look at that picture. Why ask silly questions?

You So Crazy Alert™:
The weirdos on Kate Middleton's side of the aisle.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 2 May 2011

It was Teddy Roosevelt's daughter Alice who got the credit for the quote "If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."

She would have loved the National Enquirer.

This week, the Flagship pulled out all the stops and dug up every bit of dirt they could find on the Middleton family. On the cover, they mention a drug addict, a stripper and a cross dresser, and they promise more dirt inside.

Personally, when it comes to the goofy, I think the Windsor family has got them beat.


Fabulous royal photos.

Publication: Star
Date: 2 May 2011

The upcoming royal wedding gets four mentions on the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter this week, which means the American supermarket rags think this wedding is almost as important as Reese Witherspoon getting married for the second time or Chelsea Clinton's wedding last year.

The Star is the only dog from the AMI kennel to put a positive spin on the story.

Rich people are rich:
Kate Middleton's $1,000,000 gift from the queen.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 2 May 2011

Nearly forgotten in all the royal wedding gossip is old Liz Windsor, the actual head of the British monarchy. Earlier this year, the low rent Examiner said she would make William king as soon as he married, but that's not how these people roll. Why have only one lavish pointless ceremony when you can have two instead?

In Touch says QE II bought Kate a one million dollar gift.

What she couldn't afford one million pounds?

The old tightwad.




Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:
William's bride rips into Camilla!

Publication: Globe
Date: 2 May 2011

For the Globe, the royal wedding that is coming up next Friday is not about the future of the British monarchy, but the start of a battle royale to see who will become Queen Bitch. Camilla Parker-Bowles may appear to already have the title sewn up, but the younger and prettier soon to be Princess Katherine is showing some spunk. According to the Globe, Kate recently told Camilla "You got rid of Diana, but you won't get rid of me!"

Oh, snap. Oh, no you din't!

It's on like Donkey Kong.




Friday, April 22, 2011

On the rocks alert:
Why Emily left Brad.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 2 May 2011

In March, it was week after endless week of crap about the pinhead pictured above. But in April, the stories dried up and the strong consensus was that it was over. Now Weekly Life & Style gives us confirmation of the split. Here is the paragraph length sub-headline.

Did he cheat? Inside the teary phone call where Emily told Brad she'll never marry him. "I don't want to go through heartbreak again."

I don't want to read a headline about these two pinheads again. I expect both Emily and I are bound to be disappointed.



Again with the Teen Mom crap.
Like a baby's diaper, it's never over.

Publications: OK!, Us Weekly, In Touch
Date: 2 May 2011

Some day, the long national nightmare that is MTV's Teen Mom will end.

Today is not that day.

Here are the headlines.
  • OK!: Leah & Corey: Fight for the twins
    The explosive secrets that will decide custody
    Leah catches Corey in the act
    Out-of-control partying
    The attack she just can't forgive
    Kailyn Maci Catelynn: Three Teen Mom weddings
  • In Touch: Corey hits Leah! Now, terrified, she demands full custody
    Jenelle abandons Jace to bail out her drug addict boyfriend
  • Us Weekly: Corey's betrayal

Did I ever say how much I hate the concept and execution of this show? I think I did.



Birther Crap:
Obama's meltdown over Trump as birth certificate scandal explodes!

Publication: Globe
Date: 2 May 2011

It's hard to be in the Top Ten most popular celebrities if you are only going to get mentioned in the five tabloids in the AMI kennel, the Enquirer, Globe, Star, Sun and the low rent Examiner, but there is one person in both the all time Top Ten and the 2011 Top Ten who can make that claim.

Barack Hussein Elvis Obama.

This week it's the Globe saying the First Black President is going nuts over the attack from Donald Trump, even though in public, Obama seems pretty cool about it and Trump is the one getting all defensive.

The subheadline reads "Prez terrified of what 'The Donald' has uncovered!"


In reality and behind closed doors, I think Obama is quoting Mayor Clarence Royce of The Wire and his immortal line:

"I get to run against the white boy? Oh, Jesus, please!"

Meanest Story nominee:
JFK Jr. murdered by same killers as his father!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 2 May 2011

The low rent Examiner presents us with a conspiracy theory I've never heard before, claiming that John F. Kennedy Jr.'s plane crash was not an accident and that it was engineered by the same people who killed his father. The sub-headline reads "Plane sabotaged to hide the truth!"

Without question, this yarn should only be attempted by people who have a degree in advanced corpse kicking.

This gets a nomination for Meanest Story of the Week.



Meanest Story nominee:
Shirley Maclaine bedded three men in one day.

Publication: Globe
Date: 2 May 2011

Welcome to (modern) gossip hell, Shirley Maclaine! Now best known for her New Age beliefs and winning an Oscar for her portrayal of a cranky soon to be grandma in Terms of Endearment, let's recall that she started her career being pretty darned adorable and an excellent comic actress.

The Globe would also like you to know she was a slutty slut slut, as in three times in one day with three different guys.

Stay classy, Globe!

This gets a nomination for Meanest Story of the Week.



Meanest Story nominee:
BrAngelina's twins health horror!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 2 May 2011

Once again, the tabloids speculate about the health of BrAngelina's twins, Knox and Viv. Here are the sub-headlines.
  • Angie's drug addiction put Viv and Knox in danger
  • Brain damage shocker!

Some day when I have some extra time, I may have to go back and label all the stories that use the new three favorite words of the Only Ten Magazines That Matter, "drama", "meltdown" and "shocker".

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.



Thursday, April 21, 2011

Weekly World News alert:
Princess Diana is alive and hiding in the U.S.

Publication: Weekly World News (via the Sun)
Date: 2 May 2011

After going far afield to do an End of the World story last week, the Weekly World News is back to doing what they do best, making up preposterous crap about dead people.

Princess Di is alive, hiding in the U.S. and will only be able to watch her son's wedding on basic cable, assuming she can afford it.



You So Crazy Alert™:
More on Catherine Zeta Jones' situation.

Publications: People, National Enquirer, In Touch
Date: 2 May 2011

Once the Enquirer broke the Catherine Zeta-Jones story in print, it was all over the Internet by last week with lots of outlets being much more sympathetic than the biggest of the Wicked Step Sisters. Now three magazines have cover stories and even the Flagship isn't being that mean. Here are the headlines.
  • People: Catherine Zeta-Jones Battling Bipolar Disorder
    inside her private struggle
    While husband Michael Douglas fought cancer, the star faced a mental health crisis. "There is no shame in seeking help." she says.
  • In Touch: Inside Catherine's private hell
  • National Enquirer: How Michael saved Catherine.
    Mental ward drama!

Brave Last Days Alert:
the low rent Examiner tells us about a bunch of country stars.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 2 May 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The low rent Examiner goes all fire sale with a Brave Last Days cover story about country and western music stars. Yes, everyone must go, eventually at least. Among the people they pick for the reaper are Jerry Lee Lewis, who has been mentioned before, and newcomers Roy Clark, George Jones, Donna Fargo and...

(wait for it!)


Miss Kitty Wells!

You could knock me down with a feather. I had no idea Miss Kitty was still with us. All those things I said about Miss Loretta Lynn being the last great star of country music, well... I was just talking out of my hat, so to speak.

Best wishes to all the people mentioned, all their families and all their friends, but most of all, best wishes to Miss Kitty Wells, still the Queen of Country Music.



Love Bird Alert™:
"It's on!" between Jennifer Aniston and Bradley Cooper.

Publication: OK!
Date: 2 May 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Even if there is nothing real to report, the Only Ten Magazines That Matter keep coming back the same stories again and again, most especially Jennifer Aniston's completely up in the air love life and BrAngelina's tempestuous relationship.

OK!, the nicest if not the most reliable of the supermarket rags, tells us that "It's On!" between Jennifer Aniston and Bradley Cooper.

The post just below this one from the headline from Us Weekly in the same news cycle tells a completely different story.