Thursday, October 6, 2011

On the rocks alert:
Six stories about the troubles of Demi and Ashton.

Publications: National Enquirer, Star, People, Us Weekly, In Touch, Weekly Life & Style
Date: 17 October 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The trouble in the marriage of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore is easily the Story of the Week on the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, with six covers out of ten. (In actuality, it's six of seven. Ashton and Demi are too young to be of interest to the Globe and the low rent Examiner, and the Sun would only be interested in their marital woes if Nostradamus had predicted them.) Usually when there are this many stories, they point all over the place, but with one exception, these pretty much point in the direction of Ashton's penis. Here are the headlines.
  • People: Demi's heartbreak
    Her troubled marriage
  • National Enquirer: Demi's revenge - She'll destroy cheating Ashton
  • Weekly Life & Style: Demi's kids take Ashton's side
  • In Touch: Demi's nightmare: Ashton's love child shocker!
    Exclusive: Mistress tells all!
    Unsafe sex in his car and house
    Dumped her after she found out the baby news
    Humiliated Demi can't eat - drops to 95 lbs.!
  • Us Weekly: On their anniversary caught cheating
    Ashton hooks up with two girls at an all-night hot tub party. As they enter counseling, can Demi forgive him?
    22-year-old Sara Leal
  • Star: Demi & Ashton: The photos that ended their marriage!
    Demi breaks down after Ashton hooks up with 23-year-old on their wedding anniversary
    Ashton's caught cheating on camera
    17 world exclusive photos
    Ashton surrounded by blondes in his hotel room
    Ashton's lover keeps on partying

    And for good measure, here's the picture of Sara Leal, the pretty young girl with the big mouth, both literally and figuratively, who is being cast in the role of homewrecker.

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