Saturday, September 17, 2011

Damn You Skinny Alert™ and Problems With Plastic Alert™:
Stories about Lindsay Lohan's little sister Ali

Publications: Star, In Touch
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Ali Lohan! Lindsay's little sister works as a model and is only 17, but she's already had a remarkably unnecessary and unattractive plastic surgery and has lost a ridiculous amount of weight.

Another shining testament to the parenting skills of the elder Lohans.

Here are the headlines.
  • In Touch: Dying to be thin (pictures of Lohan and Taylor Armstrong)
  • Star: Ali Lohan plastic surgery scandal
    She's only 17

I debated whether the phrase "dying to be thin" should be considered a figure of speech or if Lohan and Armstrong should be put on the tabloid vulture watch. Given how tough a stretch Taylor Armstrong is going through and what a mess the Lohan family is, I decided it should be considered more literal than figurative and used the label Not Long 4 This World (indirect), the lowest level of tabloid death watch. Both probably have long lives in front of them, but adding them to the list is not going to ruin the tabloids' track record, which is very bad indeed. After adding these names, there have been 91 people marked for death in the rags since the beginning of 2010 and only ten of them have died so far.



2 comments:

Karen Zipdrive said...

The Lohan kid looks like she spent some time in Auschwitz.
It's really sad wha she's done to herself.

Matty Boy said...

When you think of Lindsay seeming normal at the time of The Love Bug and Mean Girls and then going right off the tracks, you have to wonder if it's genetic of if the Lohan parents have some special ability to screw up young adult women.