Saturday, July 31, 2010

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow Alert™:
Laws of physics still in effect


The Sun gets another prophecy wrong, this one about... the sun! No, not about itself, but instead that star about 96 million miles away from us that we see and feel on a daily basis.

Back in May, the Sun said that Nostradamus predicted in July 2010 a solar flare would cause earthquakes. Well, of course there were earthquakes this month, there always are, and solar flares as well, but there's no science that links the two. Everybody I could find on the Internets conflating the two phenomena I would put in the category of "crackpot".




Skeeter Davis Alert:
Did you forget when the world was ending?

Publication: Sun
Date: 9 August 2010

Last week, the Sun told us what to expect for the next 100 days. This week, someone at the Sun took the trouble to read their old headlines this year and saw it. "D'oh! There aren't another 100 days! The End Of The Word is September 11, 2010!"

This is the fifth story this year about the End of the World being 9/11/10. The other detail that is being repeated is that the Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse will be seen in Rome.

Once again, mark your calendars. Or don't, no pressure. I'll be here to call them on it if we get to September 12 this year incident free.



Bells Are Ringing Alert™?:
Tiger Woods will marry Rachel Uchitel

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 9 August 2010

The Flagship tells us that Tiger Woods will marry Skanky Ho #1 Rachel Uchitel. Reports from last year said he paid he $10,000,000 to keep her mouth shut, but now I guess it's love. There were also tabloid rumors that he spent Christmas with her after he broke up with his wife around Thanksgiving.

Some people think the Enquirer is almost legitimate because of their Pulitzer nomination. I actually read their stuff too much to fall for that. It would be easier to believe he was serious about marrying her if there was actually a photograph of the two of them together.


Love Bird Alert™:
George Clooney and Elisabetta Canalis heating up

Publication: People
Date: 9 August 2010

George Clooney has not been mentioned in the supermarket rags much this year. The silly and low rent Examiner said last January he would be marrying his current flame Elisabetta Canalis, pictured here with Clooney at the premiere of The Fantastic Mr. Fox late last year, but there is nothing like confirmation of that. Now as August approaches, People is saying the relationship is "heating up", but there is still nothing like talk that they are planning to marry.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Meanest story nominee:
Hugh Laurie sex scandal

Publication: Globe
Date: 9 August 2010

The last of the Meanest Story nominees this week also comes from the Globe, which has given Bill Clinton six months to live. This time, they say Hugh Laurie is involved in sex scandal. Looking online, there is a former employee of the TV show House who is claiming bad behavior among his superiors on the set of the show, but none of the stories I've read have actually singled out Hugh Laurie.

Personally, I think it's all tosh. If Bertie Wooster is in any trouble, it's only a matter of time before Jeeves puts his superior brain to the task and everything is sorted out, right as rain.



Meanest story nominee:
Scott Disick sex tape

Publication: In Touch
Date: 9 August 2010

Almost all of the Meanest Story nominees so far have been from the Three Wicked Step Sisters, so I scoured the other seven blogs to see if I could find another story nearly as mean.

If you want to know about Kourtney and Scott being in trouble, In Touch is the place to start. There have been bad stories about Scott's behavior on five covers in the last six weeks. This week, he was cheating on Kourtney yet again, but this time his friends were hiding in the closet and made a sex tape.

I know the most shocking detail for me in all this. This guy has friends?



Bells Are Ringing Alert™ and Not Long 4 This World Alert:
Chelsea's Wedding Tragedy (Bill has six months to live)

Publication: Globe
Date: 9 August 2010

After Bill Clinton's hospitalization early this year, the Three Wicked Step Sister tabloids have been saying he is near death. The first was the Enquirer saying it was a toss-up whether Chelsea's wedding or Bill's funeral would happen first. As the wedding is scheduled for tomorrow, it looks like the Big Dog will be able to attend and the Flagship once again has egg on its face.

So the Enquirer sends its weak sister the Globe to continue the attack on the former president, saying he has heart disease and Parkinson's and will be dead within six months. There have been rumors about Parkinson's for some time and his hospitalization earlier this year was about heart issues, but the six months crap is just American Media, Inc.'s way of saying "We really don't like you."

There are other mean stories this week, but to print this just before Chelsea's wedding makes it my choice for Meanest Story Of The Week, hands down.



Meanest story nominee:
Celebrity Beaters and Cheaters

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 9 August 2010

Friday is now officially the day for the Meanest Story nominees, and there's plenty to choose from this week. There's a subtext in the tabloids telling the people standing in checkout lines that they actually have it better than the rich people who actually are miserable. The Enquirer's lead story moves the subtext forward and makes it just text.

There are multiple pictures of celebrity women who were beaten, and pictures of guys caught cheating.

Beaten women: Rihanna (pictured above), La Toya Jackson, Mindy MacCready
Guys caught cheating: Don Johnson (with a porn star), Keith Urban
The "Cheaters Hall of Shame": Morgan Freeman, John Edwards, Jesse James
Both beater and cheater: Mel Gibson

This is definitely a mean story and the pictures are hard to look at. Most weeks it would be a favorite to win meanest of the week, but there is stiff competition this time around.



Thursday, July 29, 2010

Breaking news:
Ellen DeGeneres leaving American Idol

Publication: Associated Press
Date: 30 July 2010

The big gossip news today is that Ellen DeGeneres has decided to leave American Idol. The story makes it sound like the departure is her idea, which is a different take than the Examiner had in early June when they said she would be fired.

Other sources may weigh in to say she was actually forced out, but Ellen's reason sounds like her. She likes helping make people's dreams come true and she kind of hates crushing people's hopes. American Idol is a lot more about crushing than it is about helping, though the evidence is strong that losing on that show is a better career move than winning.

Best wishes to Ellen in her future plans. She still has her daytime TV show and her cute as a button wife, so life can't suck much.



Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:
Sarah's new reason to hate young Mr. Levi

Publications: National Enquirer, National Examiner
Date: 9 August 2010

When Sarah Palin first busted loose on the national scene, I thought "Here is a family tailor made for reality TV and the tabloids." It's taken a while, but order has been restored to the universe, and Sister Sarah is now a twinkling star in the trailer trash galaxy.

The Enquirer goes with the headline "BRISTOL PALIN BETRAYED!" Their story, and they are sticking to it for the time being, is Levi Johnston liked being a baby daddy so much, he did it with somebody else. That's the gospel truth, if you can trust The Flagship.

News flash: In general, you can't trust The Flagship.

The Examiner headline reads "Sex Scandal Rocks Sarah Palin". It's vague and it might be about something else, but the Examiner is always picking up scraps left behind by the bigger Wicked Step Sister tabs, so I'm assuming this is their less interesting version of the same story.

I know in my heart of hearts that Levi Johnston is probably not the good guy, but just because he irritates Caribou Barbie so much, I find myself rooting for him. Don't you? I mean, there is no embarrassing Sarah. She has that level of stupid that is almost a super power, so stupid she doesn't even get that she's stupid. But she does have enough brain cells to hold a grudge, and I'm pretty sure Levi has enough, too. Any little thing that makes her life a living hell is okay in my book.


Bun In The Oven Alert™:
Katie Holmes Baby #2 is on the way (NOT!)

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 9 August 2010

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Weekly Life & Style proudly states that they TALKED to Katie Holmes and that her second baby is on the way. They include details on the cover about her touching her bump and craving ice cream.

The only problem is the headlines are completely misleading. The bump she was touching was a prosthetic pregnancy outfit she was wearing for a movie where she plays Jackie Kennedy. The few paragraphs on the magazine's website make it clear that while she would like another baby, it's just future plans and wishful thinking right now.

I recently instituted a Meanest Story of the Week feature here at the blog. This one isn't really mean, but it is the Most Dishonest Story of the Week, and a new label is born. Congratulations for winning the first one, Weekly Life & Style!



Bun In The Oven Alert™:
Christina Applegate's Baby After Cancer

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 9 August 2010

Christina Applegate makes her first 2010 appearance on a supermarket rag cover with a real human interest story. In 2008, she was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a double mastectomy, and recently, she has announced she is pregnant for the first time at 38.

Best wishes to Ms. Applegate and her family.



Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Bret Michaels says his kids saved him

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 2 August 2010

Fresh trash delivered tomorrow! The last of this week's trash... right now!

The Bret Michaels saga appeared to be over as tabloid fodder in late May. The stories ping-ponged back and forth between everything being okay after his brain hemorrhage and stories that he was still partying hard and endangering his life. Last week, the Globe included him in a "Who will die first?" cover story, and this week, Us Weekly says he credits his kids with saving his life.

For the record, Us Weekly was one of the mags that said he was in trouble a few months back.



Love Bird Alert™:
Jen's sexy night with a married man

Publication: Star
Date: 2 August 2010

There's a new picture of Jennifer Aniston with some guy, this time not Christopher Gartin, the guy she was supposed to be seeing though both of them deny the story. Once again, the new guy is not nearly as famous as she is and his name is not on the cover, so I didn't crack the magazine open to find out who he is.

I suppose I should make a "woman slut" label to match the "man slut" label I used to describe John Mayer, Jesse James and Tiger Woods, but that would require me to believe the stories the tabs tell about Jen and I don't, for obvious reasons.


Man Slut Alert:
Benny Hinn has a mistress and she's an evangelist too

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 2 August 2010

Back in March, it was the National Examiner, the ridiculously low rent tabloid, that had televangelist Benny Hinn on the cover. The story then was he was going through a nasty and expensive divorce and there were rumors he was gay. Now, it's The Flagship that picks up his tawdry story saying he has a mistress of the female persuasion and she's an evangelist, too. No picture of her or a name, neither of which would mean much to me, a godless heathen who is too cheap to spring for cable TV.



Bells Are Ringing Alert™:
Alicia Keys Wedding Details

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 2 August 2010

Last month, Weekly Life & Style had a story about Alicia Keys being pregnant and engaged. This month, they have a story about her wedding plans moving ahead. These are the only stories about the singer/songwriter so far this year on the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter.



Love Bird Alert™ and On The Rocks Alert:
The real truth about the Twilight love triangle

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 2 August 2010

The Examiner had no Hey Old Timer Gossip on the cover this week. Instead, trying to skew younger, they have a story about the Twilight cast. Until they have a website, they are never really going to be aimed at a crowd any younger than the people who watch Fox News, which means the median aged comsumer is collecting Social Security.



Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Stars without make-up

Publication: Star
Date: 2 August 2010

This is not about weight, but being photographed without makeup is probably harder on female celebrities than being photographed in swimwear. Here's my take on the six women on the cover.

Fairly flattering: Tyra Banks, Angelina Jolie, Katie Holmes, Kourtney Kardashian
Not so good: Katie Couric, Carrie Underwood

This is the closest I have seen to an unflattering story about Carrie Underwood on the cover of any tabloid so far this year.




Damn You Skinny Alert™:
Kate Middleton down to 105 lbs.

Publication: Globe
Date: 2 August 2010

The Globe has many tales to tell you about Kate Middleton, so you can take your pick. In mid June, she and Wills eloped. In early July, she stormed out. Now, in late July, she is so stressed out that she is down to 105 lbs., which would be scary skinny for a young lady who is listed at 5'10" according to several websites.

If she really is that tall and really weighs that little, this would be a cause for concern. Even models that tall say they weigh 110 lbs. or more, and some of those women are scary skinny. But this is the Globe, and they can't keep a story straight for two weeks at a time, so I'm not going to put a health alert out for Ms. Middleton based on this flimsy evidence.





Damn You Skinny Alert™:
Bikini diets

Publication:National Enquirer
Date: 2 August 2010

If you pictures of women on the beach taken through telephoto lens, you'll love the National Enquirer this week. There are four photos on the cover, one an unflattering "Guess Who?" shot (I don't open the magazine unless there's a damn good reason and I refuse to guess) and the three pictures of women who are identified actually look good.


We have Leann Rimes looking trim.


Lisa Rinna may look a little too skinny for some people's taste, but she's 47 years old and I'm pretty sure that's the look she is going for. Good for her.


Ice-T's wife Coco may look a bit over-inflated for a lot of people's taste, but I am absolutely certain that is the look she is going for. Good for her.

The Flagship was on a long streak of negative stories before this. The last headline of a definitely positive nature was in late May when they reported Rachel Ray lost 25 pounds. They also said Sandra forgave Jesse back in June, but it's debatable whether that is a positive thing or not.



Damn You Skinny Alert™:
Kim v. Kourtney Bikini Body War

Publication: OK!
Date: 2 August 2010

This story is a re-hash of the Kim vs.Kourtney weight war of early May in OK! The only difference is the word "bikini", so I found a picture of them together wearing bikinis.

You're welcome.



Monday, July 26, 2010

Demon Drugs Alert™:
Inside Lindsay's Detox

Publication: OK!
Date: 2 August 2010

There were five Lindsay Lohan cover stories last week and only one this week, this one from OK!, who comment on Lindsay's detox program. Technically, the judge sent her to jail first and detox second, but you know Lindsay, can't tell that girl what to do and when.

Which is pretty much the root cause of all her problems, isn't it?



Completely Vague Title Alert:
Kelly's Osbourne's revenge on ex

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 2 August 2010

Usually, "revenge" in the supermarket rags means she's lost weight and he isn't getting any anymore, so nyah, nyah, NYAH!

In her case, it could mean she sent her parents to live at his house. That would count as revenge as well.



Love Bird Alert™:
Why Sandy is taking Jesse back

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 2 August 2010

The divorce has been finalized and all the parties have signed the papers, but the supermarket rags and other gossip sources continue with the story that Jesse is still trying to get Sandy to take him back. Weekly Life & Style says that her heart has been softened because she wants to stay involved in the lives of his kids, which makes her look like a good person instead of a complete sap.

The story looked like it was winding down when the divorce was signed, but expect there to be more of this "Will she or won't she?" stuff for the rest of the summer at least.




Bells Are Ringing Alert™:
Kourtney marrying a monster

Publication: In Touch
Date: 2 August 2010

I don't watch the Kardashian reality TV stuff, but head commenter Karen Zipdrive confirms that Scott Disick is a nasty scumbag. Of all the supermarket rags, In Touch stands nearly alone in telling bad stories about Disick and Kourtney Kardashian. They have had multiple headlines this year that ended the relationship, but even now they admit that the wedding plans are moving forward with the headline "Kourtney Marrying A Monster!"

The details in the sub headlines include that there is a pre-nuptial agreement, the ceremony will cost $3,000,000 and there are some people who refuse to attend.



Sunday, July 25, 2010

Bun In The Oven Alert™:
Carrie Baby News!

Publication: In Touch
Date: 2 August 2010

This is the sixth story with a Carrie Underwood label this year. Every story has had a positive spin. So far, the Three Wicked Step Sister tabloids have taken no interest in her and even In Touch, the nastiest rag that isn't the Enquirer, Globe or Examiner, tells the story of baby news, which for most young newlyweds is good news.

She is far and away the leader for most stories without any negative ones this year. To give you an idea how rare this is, there have even been negative stories about Louis Bardo Bullock, Sandy's adorable adopted baby.



Salt in old wounds:
How Angie stole Brad

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 2 August 2010

Angelina Jolie has a new movie out this week, and several of the Only Ten Magazines That Matter take the time to remind the public why they should hate her.

Remember, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston were happily married before the hussy Angelina used her wicked seductive ways to break up their happy home, and the very thought of it still tortures Jen, or so Us Weekly would have us believe.

That they tell this five and a half years stale story the week of the release of Salt... just a coincidence, I'm sure.



Problems With Plastic Alert™:
BrAngelina: Botox, Lipo and Fillers

Publication: In Touch
Date: 2 August 2010

Several supermarket rags have Angelina Jolie on the cover this week, probably because she has a new movie coming out. In Touch goes with a story that one or both of them have used Botox, liposuction and fillers in the past. I don't know why the word "fillers" has replaced the word "collagen" in many stories about plastic surgery, but it has. Maybe there has been some technological change that I don't know about.



Love Bird Alert™:
My life with Brad

Publication: People
Date: 2 August 2010

Angelina Jolie actually sits for an interview with one of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, and of course it's with People, the one with the biggest circulation by far and one of the few that isn't trashing her family on a regular basis. She says things are fine with Brad and hectic with six kids. The cover also mentions her new movie Salt, which opened well this weekend but did not finish first, selling slightly less tickets than Inception, the current big blockbuster in its second week.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Globe repeats itself with the Birther Crap:
Obama not born in U.S.

Publication: Globe
Date: 2 August 2010

They said it before and they'll say it again. Barack Hussein Karl Adolf Obama was NOT born in the United States!

If you are crazy or stupid enough to believe this crap, the Globe wants to be your weekly newspaper, and they will keep writing this until you jackasses buy their newspaper. The opinion polls say a lot of people believe this nonsense, a lot more people than the pathetic weekly circulation of this low rent rag.

C'mon, crazy people! Do your part to spur the American economy!



Weekly World News alert:
Second flood coming... make your own ark!

Publication: Weekly World News (via the Sun)
Date: 2 August 2010

When the Sun makes end of the world predictions, I don't print them unless they have a date attached. The Weekly World News invokes a Skeeter Davis Alert™ this week without a date, and yet I print it.

This is because I love the Weekly World News and the Sun... not so much.

There will be a second flood and the WWN gives you instructions on how to make your own ark... out of used wine corks!

You may want to become a close personal friend of Matty Boy in this case. Or maybe the Gosh Darned Pater Familias.

Just sayin'.



On the Rocks Alert:
Robyn Gibson's view of Mel's meltdown

Publications: Globe, National Examiner, Weekly Life & Style
Date: 2 August 2010

There are three cover stories this week about Mel Gibson's wife of 29 years, Robyn Gibson. Here's a picture from long ago when only his closest friends and family knew that Gibson was a psychotic and bigoted religious nut raised by a dad who was an even bigger psychotic and bigoted religious nut. Here are the headlines.

Globe: Mad Mel begs wife: Take me back!
Examiner: Mel's ex: I told you so!
Weekly Life & Style: What Mel's wife knows

Will this be the end of the story? No, it can't be. You don't go from five supermarket rag headlines to zero. This story has plenty more fuel before it burns itself out.


On the Rocks Alert:
Mel's Ex (Oksana) reveals all

Publication: OK!
Date: 2 August 2010

OK! tries to be the nicest of the supermarket rags, but here's where they fail. They decided to get Oksana Grigorieva's side of the Mel Gibson meltdown story. A lot of stuff is going to be happening in months and weeks ahead, and there may not be any "winners" when all is said and done, but Oksana is going to be one of the "losers". No one will care what she said and if Mel makes it through this, you can bet he will hold a grudge.



You So Crazy Alert™:
What happened to Mel Gibson

Publication: People
Date: 2 August 2010

There are five stories about Mel Gibson on the covers of the tabloids this week. The People headline is short and vague, which is what we usually expect from OK! In a little bit of the old switcheroo, OK! has a more informative headline.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Love Bird Alert™:
What somebody's mom said

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 2 August 2010

The headline under a picture of self-professed "fuckin' redneck" Levi Johnston and his baby mama Bristol Palin simply reads "What My Mom Said".

Okay, let me get all Strunk & White on the asses of the headline writers at Us Weekly. Both these people have moms, right?

I would expect Levi's mom to say something like, "Can you wait until I don't have the ankle bracelet anymore? I don't have any ensemble that goes with it."

I don't expect the other mom to be quite as negotiable.

Just sayin'.



Prophecy Alert:
The Next 100 Days

Publication: Sun
Date: 2 Aug. 2010

This blog has rules and the editors of the Sun know what they are. If there are no expiration dates on your prophecies, I don't print them.

Clear?

This week, they said they had prophecies for the next 100 days, so we can check this stuff out for accuracy around Halloween.

They had the headline POLITICAL SCANDALS and a picture of Sarah Palin. My question is simple. Don't you have to actually hold a political office to have a political scandal?

They have also promise a healing miracle from Oprah Winfrey. No idea of what she will cure.

There will also be killer plagues in the U.S. Maybe this is what Oprah will heal.

Come November 1, we will give the thumbs up or thumbs down on these prophecies.

My advice: If anyone predicts even one of these things comes true, take the under.


Mean Friday morning:
Oprah was a teenage prostitute!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 2 August 2010

The allegations of Oprah's teenage hooker background aren't new. Kitty Kelley had some of this stuff in her book. The details on the Enquirer cover are:

  • How much she charged
  • The men who hurt her
  • She got pregnant and had a baby
Stay classy, Enquirer!



Mean Friday morning:
Ray Romano tragedy!

© Retna

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 2 August 2010

This one gets to be a Meanest Story nominee based entirely on punctuation. The headline and sub headline are

Ray Romano Tragedy!
Wife Battling Cancer?

You don't speculate about people having cancer. It's okay to say someone doesn't look well or that someone could be ill, but if you don't have the real information, you don't get to jump to a cancer diagnosis.

Best wishes to Ray Romano and his wife Anna Scarpula.



Mean Friday morning:
Two more women say Al Gore attacked them

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 2 August 2010

Now that there will be poll to vote on Meanest Story Of The Week, I'm going to put the nominees up on Friday so readers can choose up through Wednesday. The first nominee is a story from the Enquirer saying there are two more women who have come forward to say Al Gore attacked them.

You might think this makes the Enquirer's story more believable, but it's also an admission that their first accuser of Gore was not completely credible. She told the cops her story and the local press, and both groups decided to pass. Now there are two more women.

This might be a good time to point out that the Enquirer pays people money for their stories.

Just sayin'.



Thursday, July 22, 2010

Bells Done Rung™ Alert:
Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr married

Publication: Huffington Post
Date: 22 July 2010

While neither of them is major tabloid fodder in the states, Orlando Bloom is an Honest to Lenny movie star and Miranda Kerr is a Victoria's Secret model, so they are really celebrities and not just on some reality TV show. They got married without a peep from the supermarket rags, so they deserve some props here.

This blog is 100% pro-privacy, pro-love and pro-pretty people getting married and being happy, so this story... it's all goooood!

Best wishes to the happy couple.



On the Rocks Alert:
Bill and Hillary's $200 million divorce deal

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 2 August 2010

Believe it or not, this is the first On The Rocks alert for the Clintons this year. They are WAY behind both the Bushes and the Obamas in reports on the horrible state of their respective marriages.

All these reports have been in the Examiner or the Globe, so you can pay attention to them or not, completely up to you.

This report says there's going to be a divorce and that $200,000,000 is changing hands. There is no clarification on who will be paying whom.



Bells Are Ringing Alert™ confirmed:
Chelsea Clinton's pending nuptials

Publications: People, National Enquirer
Date: 2 August 2010

The wedding day draws nearer for Chelsea Clinton and her intended, investment banker Marc Mezvinsky. The only peep the tabloids had this year before this was The Flagship wondering if her wedding or her dad's funeral would come first.

Somebody at The Enquirer can't be happy unless someone else is miserable.

Case in point. This week's headline about the approaching happy day.

People: Chelsea's Wedding Details
National Enquirer: Chelsea's Wedding Meltdown

Did you notice the subtle difference? I thought you might.



New mom alert:
Tiffani Theissen and Harper Renn Smith

(photo by Joe Buissink)

Publication: People
Date: 2 August 2010

Fresh trash on Thursday! Not a lot of stories this week about people the tabloids haven't already covered ad nauseum this this year, but we do have a happy supermarket rag premiere story from the very reliable People. Tiffani Theissen, best known for her work on Saved By The Bell and Beverly Hills 90210, had her first child last month, Harper Renn Smith. There were complications during childbirth and little Harper was delivered by C-section, but five weeks later, mother and child are doing fine.

Best wishes to the happy family.


Not Long 4 This World Alert:
Tony Curtis fights for life

Publication: Globe
Date: 2 August 2010

Fresh trash on Thursday! Eight of the Only Ten Magazines That Matter have websites that give sneak peaks of their new covers their on Wednesdays, and of the 27 stories mentioned there, there are only two that are about folks that haven't been on the covers of the supermarket rags before this year.

One is a sad story from the unreliable Globe, telling us that Tony Curtis is fighting for his life. There are plenty of pictures of sickly old Tony now, but I wanted to publish a picture from the Good Old Days when he was just about the prettiest man in show business.

You may already know this, but Elvis Presley's natural hair color was a light brown. He decided to dye his hair black because he wanted to look like Tony Curtis.

Best wishes to Mr. Curtis, his family and friends, from a fan.


Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Love Bird Alert™:
Jessica's Romantic Getaway

Publication: OK!
Date: 26 July 2010

Fresh Trash delivered tomorrow! The last trash of the week... right now!

So Jessica Simpson is going on a romantic getaway. Because her boyfriend isn't as famous as she is, he doesn't always get named. It's Eric Johnson, the former football player, for those of you keeping score at home.



Play Date:
Suri and Levi

Publication: OK!
Date: 26 July 2010

OK! tells us that Suri and Levi had a play date. I had to ask Karen Zipdrive who Levi was, and we are assuming it's young Levi McConaughey and not Levi Johnston.

What could these toddlers have in common?

Levi's daddy is a famous beach bum and stoner.

Suri's daddy believes we are controlled by aliens.

But they both like dogs, so I expect they will get along swimmingly.