Friday, December 31, 2010

Bachelor Brad ready to find a wife.

Publication: OK!
Date: 10 January 2011

With the new rules regarding censorship in effect, I now report on all the "celebrity" news in the gossip rags, including people who aren't really celebrities at all. I personally hate the concept of The Bachelor as entertainment, but the Only Ten Magazines That Matter love it so much, they call the people on the show by their first names, as though they are superstars every one buying fish sticks is going to recognize immediately. I don't know these people and don't want to know these people, so as a small protest in the new system I have imposed on myself, I will not give these people last names. It's all Bachelor x or Bachelorette y as far as I'm concerned, though I am sure commenter # 1 Karen Zipdrive will be able to educate me on some of these people.

Bachelor Brad says he's ready to find a wife. He tried before on the show, I guess, but this time it's real.


Karen Zipdrive said...

Brad is such a turd.
He's got this cornball cowboy poet persona and he tries to be so deep when he's talking to the bimbos who want to marry him on the show.
Audiences love a reformed scoundrel, so the ratings this season will soar.
The Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise has a lousy batting average for couples lasting very long.
Mostly it's just a launch pad for aspiring actors or TV personalities.

Matty Boy said...

I know about the lousy batting average for couples and it's obvious on the face of it. Even if you find a guy who wants to be monogamous, the memories of the experience of ten women begging for it will bring out the hound dog qualities in every heterosexual man ever born.

This is not me saying "Men bad, women good!", mind you. I expect a woman being treated like Scarett O'Hara at the cotillion is going to bring out every bit of high maintenance bitch she has in her, too.

Karen Zipdrive said...

And another thing, Brad reminds me how much I want the obnoxious beard stubble trend to cease.
Anyone who's ever made-out with a guy who needs a shave knows the pain caused by having a chapped face.

Matty Boy said...

Some folks like it rough, I guess.