Thursday, May 6, 2010

Skeeter Davis Alert:
Nostradamus is really fixated on 2010

Publication: Sun
Date: 17 May 2010

You know who we haven't heard from in months? Everybody's favorite vague French 16th Century poet and prophet, Michel de Nostradamus. The Sun says there are lost prophecies, but what do you know? They found them in time for publication this week.

Oooh, that was lucky!

Once again, the Sun promised exact dates inside, so like a sap I actually had to open the damned thing to get the skinny for my many loyal readers. Here are the highlights.

  • June: World War III almost begins. Some country is blamed for a terrorist attack but it turns out not to be true. Sounds more like Tom Clancy than Nostradamus, but what do I know?
  • July: A huge solar flare causes earthquakes. I'm not sure the physics works on this one.
  • August: Scientists capture the soul of a dying human being. Okay, I'm sure the physics does NOT work on this one.
  • September: A killer plague sweeps the U.S.
  • November: Some member of the Bush family performs a great act of diplomatic skills. This does not break any laws of physics, but it does go against the basic tenets of human nature. These people are betting hard for the end of the world, I don't see how they profit by postponing it.

So if any of these things happen, you heard it here first.

And if none of them happen, you heard it here first that they are all bullshit.


Padre Mickey said...

Do them August Scientist catch the soul in a jar, and if so, do they put holes in the lid, or will that let the soul escape? These are important theological questions!

Matty Boy said...

Being egghead scientists, they'll probably let the soul die. I guess if they want to keep it alive, they could put a little soul food in the container.

Tee hee.

Karen Zipdrive said...

Those French guys are natural pessimists.
Besides, if we got through the Bush years, we can get through anything.