Thursday, April 15, 2010

Enboobening Alert™: Four different stories about Heidi's hellishly huge hooters

Publications: OK!, Weekly Life & Style, In Touch, Us Weekly

This week, Heidi Montag went to Las Vegas to show off her body after the ten plastic surgeries, and four of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter decided to put her on the cover in pretty much the same pose, showing off her stripper shoes, her immobile face and her over-engorged sweater puppies. Every headline tells a different story, as though her unseemly funbags were some kind of three dimensional Rorschach test.

OK!: Shocking Bikini Bodies! (Heidi is the only bikini wearer on the cover.)
Us Weekly: Heidi's Implant Agony!
In Touch: Heidi's D-Cup disaster!
Weekly Life & Style: Heidi wants bigger boobs!

Obviously, born again Heidi has easily eclipsed her sister in Christ Carrie Prejean in the race to have the Biggest Boobs in the Bible Belt. If Weekly Life & Style is telling the truth, she now sets her sights on the title of Hugest Hooters in Hollywood, currently held by Nancy Archer, better known by her stage name, the Fifty Foot Woman.


Karen Zipdrive said...

She's got three huge boobs- those ones and Spencer Pratt.

Matty Boy said...

I've heard he's more of a dick than a boob.

Or maybe we can split the difference and agree that he's a douche.