Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 1 Feb. 2010
According to the tabloids, BrAngelina have already broken up. According to The Flagship, Angelina has secretly adopted yet another kid after Brad left her.
For those of you who are reeling trying to keep up with all the weird and conflicting details, remember that in the tabloids, Brad Pitt is a good looking and nice enough guy who was put under a spell by the evil witch Angelina Jolie, who apparently knows sexual techniques so powerful that no mortal man is safe once she casts her enchantment.
Just trying to keep the narrative clear here.